Divorce men/Divorce women

By now, biologists, psychologists, anthropologists…and any other “ist” than you can think of…by now they all agree to something our grandmothers just accepted as fact: boys and girls are different…and so are men and women!
Our grandmothers knew that men were from Mars…only they just called it outer space.
If we were issued a manual for procedures on life and on relationships, there certainly would be separate chapters on divorce/men and divorce/women. Seems like men connect to a woman through having sex. If there is no more sex with this woman, there is no connection.  If a man has initiated the divorce, he can seem very detached about it
Divorce/men: what is my child support? when do I see my child? Where is my  new girlfriend?
With a woman, even if she initiates the divorce, she wants to tell her story.
Divorce women: my soon to be ex is: a. bad parent; b. crazy; c. irresponsible; d. untrustworthy; e. addicted ;
f. both a&c; g. b&d;  h. c&a and did I mention irresponsible?
These days child support is usually done by a calculation mandated by the legislature. In many states, if Dad has more parenting time (the new term of art) Dad’s child support is less. Nothing gets Dad’s attention like the thought that more time with kids = less child support. The old routine of every other week-end is fading fast. New thinking has an almost 50-50 split of time. Once that time split happens, child support is affected.
Ok so Dad has the child support worked out, and the parenting time settled., Case is over.
Dad is ready to move on.
And when men move on, they move on. That’s the majority of men . (if your ex is a creepy stalker psycho, you need professional help).
When Mom comes in to court….it’s usually a matter of control. After all, when Mom and Dad are together, Mom generally runs the household,  even if Mom has a 9-5 job. See if you can identify: Mom schedules doctor appt, dental cleanings, picks up school clothes, goes to school conferences, runs the bake sale, sells candy for the little league, joins the PTA.
So when Dad comes in and demands 50/50 share time and his 50% is spent with his new girlfriend, it’s tough. I’ve been there!
When Mom goes to court, most of the time the hearings are about things such as: are the children doing homework while with Dad; is new girlfriend involved in the children’s lives? etc.
I often thought during hearings that  many Moms  came to court because they felt they were the good guy and wanted the judge to recognize that fact. I had the same desire. But I resisted it.
My question is “Why”? Why pay thousands to see if a judge will say , “You are the good guy”?
Even if a judge thinks it, you will never hear it. You should find something else to do with the money…like buy yourself a new purse. Then every time you luxuriate in its supple leather, think:
I got this purse because I am the good guy. Believe me, it’s a much better use of your time and money.
Then again, if  Dads come in and try to explain why they are not a involved in the child’s activities,even thought they have 50/50 share time. I might hear this explanation:  “She doesn’t tell me about anything that happens in in my child’s life”. Here’s is what I wanted to say:
“Ok, let’s see if I can explain this to you: you need to put on your big boy cowboy boots and find out this stuff all by yourself. You can do it, I know! Next thing you might even move out of training pants. I mean seriously: If you don’t want Mom’s nose in your business, then take a little initiative and find this stuff out for yourself”
The sad part about all the hearings is that the children are affected. They might not know exactly what is going on, but they pick up on the stress. There are times when court action might be necessary. But that should not be the first impulse. Talk the situation over with a friend or mental health counselor (not the lawyer, who will charge for your venting); then try mediation. In the hands of a good mediator, almost anything can be resolved. And at much less cost: emotionally and financially.

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