Divorcing during the Holidays? How not to become a ‘Grinch’

Dreading the Holiday season because you are in the middle of a divorce? Your “thoughts” will determine whether you and your children have a good or bad Holiday season

The Holidays are a time for joy and gratitude, but for those in the process of divorce, the season can be very daunting.  The good news is that you can make the most of your Holidays and have fun if you work on changing your perspective.

We often forget that the only thing we have real control of is our thoughts, and our thoughts effect our emotions and actions and thus our well-being. Certainly easier said than done, but there is no time like the Holidays to challenge your negative thought patterns.  So much research has been done recently that points to the fact that our thoughts control our lives.  This would imply that regardless of what we are experiencing, if we can control our negative thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts, our lives will transform in front of us. Let’s take some common negative thoughts during the Holidays and contrast them with a corresponding positive thought:

I do not know what I am going to do without my kids during the Holidays; I cannot bear the thought of them not being with me. They are going to suffer and so am I.

Versus

I know it is going to be different this year as I do not have my kids all the time, but this will give me an opportunity to do other things that I never have time for.  Perhaps I will spend more time with friends or read that book I have wanted to read, or spend a day alone or at the spa. My children also have an opportunity to experience something different and they will have their other parent all to themselves and that will hopefully provide some bonding that they otherwise may not have when I am around.

I cannot believe I am in this rotten situation and if it was not for his/her bad behaviour we would still be a family. It is not fair that I am punished over the Holiday season by not having my children the entire time because I did not want this in the first place. He/she should be the one to suffer through the Holidays – not me.  It is going to be horrible.

Versus

I trust that this is all meant to be and that while I am feeling a bit sad and scared, this is for the best – even if I cannot see that now. I will miss my kids but I look forward to spending some time just getting to know me better. I am going to do the things I never get a chance to do and perhaps give myself a present that makes me feel special. I trust that my children will flourish because of this, not in spite of it, and I believe that they will all be just fine.

In addition to replacing your negative thoughts with positive ones, it is essential to take the time now to plan in advance for the Holiday season. Fill your days up because it is easier to change your thought patterns when you are active/busy, and force yourself to find at least five things to be grateful for each day and either say them or write them down.

Be the best you can be, which includes thinking positively, being a good leader and putting the kids first; all of this will help to keep the Holidays peaceful and joyful.

Karen Stewart is a divorce expert and President and CEO of Fairway Divorce Solutions, Ltd., and has authored the book Clean Break, and has been featured in notable media outlets nationwide. Connect with Karen at 1-866-755-(FAIR) 3247, on Twitter, or email her at kstewart@fairwaydivorce.com.