Imagine driving along the highway and thinking, "She doesn’t love me anymore." "What’s going to happen to me?" "Should I get a new lawyer? Maybe there’s something wrong with the one that I have."
The inner voices continue. "I can’t stand him; he’s so selfish." "Nobody is calling me back!" "What’s going to happen to my children?" As the voices get louder and the worries increase, you become more distracted and overwrought. Your anxiety begins to impair your ability to drive safely
You don’t notice that you just went through a red light.
DID YOU KNOW?
It may have been a while back, but the National Center for Health Statistics published some scary data on car accidents and marital status in 1970. They found that the fatality rate was higher for divorced men and women of all races than for those widowed, married, or single.
In fact, on average, the death rate was 2.5 times higher for divorced individuals than for married individuals.
Next time you are driving while ruminating on your divorce, remember, your kids need you alive and well. You may be preoccupied by how much you hate your ex wife, or how you have so little money, or how you can’t wait to go on a date; or you may be concerned about the latest round of legal accusations. Whatever it is, this can distract you and lead to a fatality.
Do your kids a favor. Just pull off to the side of the road and chill a bit. Take a deep breath. Let go of some tension. Feel the pleasure of being alive and know that this will all be over some day.
It is good to be healthy and alive for your kids.
Dr. Banschick is a child and adolescent psychiatrist. He has been quoted in The New York Times, The Huffington Post and The CBS Early Show. He is currently finishing the second of three books in The Intelligent Divorce series, which are devoted to teaching parents how to raise well adjusted kids during a divorce. You can reach him at mbanschick@gmail.com or at www.theintelligentdivorce.com
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