Guilt by association. Your friends reflect back upon you – so be selective whom you choose. Prince Andrew did not and is in hot water for his association with Jeffrey Epstein. In 2011 he left his position of UK trade ambassador over his ties to this billionaire, yet did not sever them. He may be innocent of cavorting around with underage girls, but he certainly is guilty of a lapse in judgment for hanging on to such a shady character.
Be with people in this post-divorce time who share your ethics. We do not always agree upon political candidates, religion or sports teams, but our basic values ought to be similar. If someone is skating on the edge of the law, then distance yourself from them. We are starting life anew after divorce and do not need questionable people. If pals are doing activities which conflict with your morals, then consider dropping them. Or at least take a break so you can step back and evaluate these relationships.
We are vulnerable after divorce, so listen to alarm bells going off when you are uncomfortable around someone. We may keep a friendship because it is a habit. Being in the company of unethical folks chips away at our psyche or as one woman said it is a “soul ache.” I felt sorry for a divorced dad in the construction business who needed work. I trusted him and the accuracy of his fees. When I started receiving astronomical bills for some big projects, we parted ways. This was after another guy in the same business informed me that I paid more than double the going rate. We were on friendly terms, yet he still needlessly took a chunk of my divorce settlement for some renovations and repairs. I learned that people have to earn my trust.
If you are in relationships that you normally would shun, determine if it is because you are lonely. Strengthen the connections that you already have, such as with family, workmates and supportive pals. Do not start new friendships on the basis that you feel needy, but rather that you both have something to offer.
When you are dating after a traumatic divorce – you may be too trusting. Flattery and attention may seem what one requires, but truly look at the person behind the smiling mask. If they belittle certain types of people or are rude to wait staff, then walk away. One way to see what a date is really like is to check out her pals to see to see how they treat others. There is something to the saying “Birds of a feather flock together.”
Build a supportive team around you that motivates you in achieving goals, whether losing weight or writing the next best seller. Having inspiring pals and acquaintances encourages me to keep moving on after divorce and try new endeavours. Joining stimulating groups reduces the reliance on relationships that have run their course.
Some women have described trying to make friends post-divorce like being back in grade school. There is an online site in the UK, that matches people up for purely platonic friendships. So far, I have heard good reports regarding this new trend. Friendship is a two way street and being with someone you feel sorry for can backfire.
Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by email. http://www.womansguidetodivorce.net/