Part of moving on after divorce is leaving your reconciliation fantasy behind. When one is feeling lonely, that makes it tempting to dwell in the past and ponder if an old romance could be rekindled. A few people have wondered if they were too speedy in wanting a divorce and could have hung on longer. Really think through why the relationship ended. Was there any abuse or lack of respect? Relationships end when interest wanes.
Sometimes people are too different to really make a go of it. My friend Connie was having a bad patch in her marriage and looked up a former love. They have different lifestyles which may have clashed in the long run. He is happily married with a very active life in the political arena in Washington D.C. He makes the news with the parties he attends and his well-dressed appearance. Connie rarely entertains, is more of a blue jeans type of a girl, and is vegan. When asked if she would throw lavish soirees, serve meat or be elegantly attired on a regular basis, she had difficulty responding. Eventually Connie realized that if they had stayed together, maybe she would not be as happy as she had fantasized. When she and her husband made up, that longing for that past relationship diminished.
Get a reality check – whether from good friends or a relationship coach. Discussing this situation gives insight in understanding why you did not stay together. Join a Zumba class to lessen daydreaming and get more focused on demanding tasks. Meditation helps to clear the mind and become more grounded. Take walks outside and enjoy nature. Get distracted with new challenges, sports or anything that interrupts that movie in your head.
Enlarge your social and professional networks to meet new people. Sometimes loneliness or feelings of abandonment push us into living in the past. MeetUp.com has a plethora of groups for a variety of interests. Get active in groups, such a book or movie club. Explore new interests, whether it is culinary arts or pottery. Stay busy.
Building connections helps to make life more enriching. I get a lot out of volunteering and also hear that from others. Be open to a new romantic relationship and not be so rooted in the past. Some people do end up with a former partner decades later when both were single again. It is not impossible, but consider meeting with a counsellor to ensure that this is a positive action for you both. I have read about people marrying the one who got away. That said, I went to a wedding which later ended in divorce. The couple remarried and went through another acrimonious divorce. What tore them apart the first time did so again. Think carefully why the initial relationship did not work out and start to move on. Put more energy into other relationships to lessen the focus on the one that ended.
Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by firstname.lastname@example.org