Have you ever been unfaithful to your partner?

It’s not often that we ask such a question of our spouse, friends or family members. But I have often been curious about how many people have been unfaithful to their partners. I also wanted to know if there is a difference with the infidelity rate between men and women. So, I decided to post this as an online poll and would like to see the results. Please vote and you can also see the results here: http://www.divorcemag.com/survey/quickpoll.shtml. Of course, we’ve all heard the explanation/theory that men are not instinctly monogamous. I guess we will soon find out.

Years ago, I was shocked and intrigued when I found out some friends of mine carried on affairs that went on for years. I would never in a million years have thought that they would be the kind to be unfaithful, never mind multiple times and over many years.  (I can see a one time thing or a mistake happening.) Although I must say I don’t know what “the kind” really looks like. I never did find out why they had these affairs. I figured whatever they say is just their side of the story and who am I to judge. It’s not like they are seeking my opionions any way.  I do know that they have kept their infidelity as a secret. But I did have a lot of questions: Why did they do it? And why repeatedly? Would divorce have been an option? Did their spouse know or not? If not, how could they not know about such “serial infidelity”? And if they did know, did they raise it or avoided it?  Why did they tell me about their affairs? These questions of mine remain unanswered. Again, it is because I never asked them.

I also know a few people who have not been so quiet about their affairs, but hey, they are still married.

Some people say cheating on your spouse happens more with hollywood movie stars and celebrities because of all the money they have and the tempations that come their way, but I’d say not necessarily so. These people I know who cheat on their spouses are ordinary, every day people. Just ask around, you maybe surprised.

Lately, quite a few friends have said they would rather leave a relationship first before being unfaithful as they know that hurts. Some discussed it with their partners… kind of like an unoffical pre-nup. I guess that is good. But wouldn’t it be better to commit to discussing and resolving any issues that may show up in a relationship than to commit to leaving each other before you find another person?  I have heard from many people and therapists that many couples over come infidelity. I know that’s a tough one.

Martha Chan is the co-owner and V.P. Marketing of Divorce Marketing Group , Family Lawyer Magazine and Divorce Magazine. She is responsible for all online and offline initiatives of the company. She is married to Dan Couvrette and is a step mother of two sons. Connect with her on LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook. She can be reached at (866) 803-6667 ex. 136 or marthac@divorcemarketinggroup.com.