Negativity is often a huge part of divorce, even when the divorce is conducted under the best of circumstances. In many cases a negative attitude habitually becomes the norm. When was the last time you paid attention to your self-talk? Are you telling yourself that you are fabulous, pretty, intelligent and amazing? Unfortunately, it is most likely, I can’t do that, I’m not good enough, my body is too large, I don’t have the right degree and…on and on and on! Sound familiar? Jill Bolte Taylor, Ph.D. says in her book My Stroke of Insight, “I’m a devout believer that paying attention to our self-talk is vitally important to our mental health. In my opinion, making a decision that internal verbal abuse is not acceptable behavior, is the first step toward finding deep inner peace.” I completely agree with Jill.
When I hear her phrase, not acceptable behavior, I am reminded that we each have a choice, moment-to-moment. We can give in to our negative self-talk and let it hold huge parades in our mind, while marching to its own negative beat. Or we can change the tune in our mind and give it a more upbeat happy rhythm. That is the wonder of the human mind; we get to choose what stays and what goes. But I admit it is not always as easy as it sounds.
Jill says that she lets herself whine for 30-mintes each morning and evening. Then the rest of the time she chases away negative talk. She tells it to come back at the scheduled time. This works for many people but not for me. If I sit down and say “OK negative talk, you have 30-minutes.” It will simply vanish. No negativity to be found. It would rather sneak up on me unaware while lounging in the hot tub or trying to fall asleep. It seems to wait until I relax and wham, right between the eyes!
So I have used a simple method that works for me and has helped many of my clients. I hit the cancel button when I realize the negative tape is running and I replace it with a positive affirmation. The trick is not to sugar coat the negativity with positive thoughts but really give it a hard boot out the door and replace it with a positive affirmation that is strong and believable. When my clients create their own positive affirmation I have them check in with how it makes them FEEL. If they are able to really feel into the statement and give it power over the negative thought… magic can happen. The trick is to use the new affirmation every time the negative talk begins. This will create a huge perspective shift.
I have had clients use this method to overcome fear, believe in their abilities, become better leaders and even learn to love themselves… just as they are! Imagine what you could do if you applied positive affirmations to your negative self-talk. You might even run for President…never mind…let’s not get political! Ha-Ha!
If you need assistance creating a positive affirmation to overcome your self-talk then you can sign up for a free 30-minute consultation with me and we will create one together. Let’s get you on the road to success!
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Judith Geiger is the Be in Love Again Coach specializing in assisting Women to Thrive after Divorce. Her programs include ‘Finding SELF after Divorce’ and ‘Dating without Stress after Divorce’. For a Free Relationship Readiness Assessment visit her website www.beinloveagain.com or directly connect with Judith at 315 497 3059
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