A common complaint spouses have over their divorce is about lack of control. Indeed, divorce has its own procedures, protocols, customs and laws – and many of them a total mystery to the average person until they come face-to-face with the reality of divorce. It’s common to hear people say things like “I can’t believe how much control I don’t have over my own divorce!”
Yes, it’s true that divorce involves losing some degree of control. But that doesn’t mean spouses are totally powerless! In fact, people may be surprised to learn just how much control they really have over two extremely important and influential aspects of their divorce: tone and tenor.
Consider two recently-announced, high profile divorces between Arnold Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver and the Bronfman’s. As celebrities, they’re all accustomed to being under the media spotlight 24/7 – which may sound like fun and come with lots of nice perks, but no doubt it can be overwhelmingly stressful when things aren’t going so well – like right now.
Now, I guess it would be understandable if these spouses caved into the pressure, figured they didn’t have control over the situation, and started giving interview after interview about their failing marriage – not realizing (or maybe no longer caring) that their children are going to see them on TV, YouTube, the tabloids, and probably a dozen other places.
But as understandable as that response might be – and, we must admit, many choose that direction – it’s my view that celebrities, just like the rest of us, really do have some control over the how civilized their divorce can be, and whether it reflects them at their best…or their worst.
So far, it appears as though both Aronld Schwarzenegger and Maria Shriver, and the Bronfman’s are taking the high road and not the low one – especially the Bronfman’s, who are holding a divorce party to thank their friends for support (read my comments to the National Post and Sun News on this enlightened idea).
I hope, for the sake of not just the spouses but especially for their children, that no matter how difficult and powerless these rather powerful people feel during their divorce, they remember to maintain control over the things that are in their hands – and that includes the tone and tenor of their divorce.
Dan Couvrette is a marketing expert, public speaker, magazine publisher, and artist. He is the CEO of and Divorce Marketing Group, a Toronto-based marketing agency dedicated to helping divorce professionals (such as lawyers, financial advisors and mediators) across North America market their services; and the CEO & Publisher of Divorce Magazine and www.DivorceMagazine.com. Connect with him on LinkedIn, Twitter and Facebook. He can be reached at (866) 803-6667 ex. 24 or firstname.lastname@example.org.