The Adventure of Divorce

Divorce is a new beginning that opens unexpected doors. Venturing into the unknown leads to exciting new adventures that were only in dreams while still married. The unknown can be perceived as scary or reframed as a new discovery. One’s outlook on life will determine if post-divorce is a tragedy or a time of renewal. If your perception of the world is that it is a negative place with untrustworthy people, then that is what you will experience. Change your outlook to a positive one, and kind people and worthwhile experiences will come into your sphere. How to do this? A life coach can give a reality check and a therapist more intensive treatment. Work on the baggage from divorce in order to be able to recognize and receive new opportunities coming your way.  Do not drag old problems along with you when meeting new people or getting a job. Fix them and start life with a clean slate.

A positive aspect of divorce is enlarging your social circle. Do the necessary housecleaning of getting rid of toxic or energy draining relationships. Sometimes the logistics of divorce will take care of this for you. Moving during divorce does the job of eliminating annoying neighbors. Look closely at friendships that no longer serve your best interests or are reciprocal in nature. Let divorce be your excuse that you are too busy and unavailable now to continue seeing them. Embark on the adventure of meeting like-minded folks who better reflect who you are currently.

During marriage, you may have been focused on your spouse’s wants and needs. Now you have the time to reach out to others and form new friendships or reconnect with the ones that you already have. It takes a lot of energy keeping up appearances in a bad marriage, so use this post-divorce time to join interesting groups and become involved with new people.

Go on a quest of uncovering your talents and hidden desires after divorce. My artistic friend has launched a line of cards post-divorce and feels more fulfilled. One woman who felt her creativity was stifled during an abusive marriage, is writing the second edition of her book. Going down the path of creativity is an adventure with exciting twists and turns. There are glimpses of what is lies ahead, however the final outcome is yet to be determined. Mine may be a move to a different country.

Have post-divorce adventures through travel. Get out of your comfort zone and discover the world. While having fun and learning about new cultures, one learns to rely on herself. Finding your way out of a labyrinth in Santorini, or miming in Italy that you want to buy a bottle of white sparkling wine promotes self-assurance. One comes to the realization that they are a strong person who can deal with many situations. I view life in general as an adventure, whether I am buying an item in a Turkish souk or in my local grocery store. Strangers can be a fascinating source of interesting conversations. There are companies that have trips for singles or find a group tour if unsure about visiting foreign countries on your own.

Post-divorce, some entrepreneurs have started their own businesses. Many claim it was a bumpy road at first, but are now enjoying this new enterprise. Take classes to develop your talents and interests into financially feasible ventures. One fellow went through a traumatic divorce and renewed his love of gardening afterwards. He is into cross-pollinating vegetables and flowers. Talking to a waiter and patrons at his local pub about this hobby, led to the owner asking to buy his heirloom produce.

Contemplate viewing the world as making new connections, and discovering opportunities. My 90 year old friend said that life is such an adventure, because he never knows what is just around the corner.

Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by email. wendischuller@hotmail.com

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