You’re Thinking About Divorce. Are You Sure You Want To?

January is typically a peek divorce month. With New Year’s resolutions in place and the holidays over, the rates seem to increase in the first month of the year. But, are you really ready? Here are some points to consider when pondering the possibility of divorce:

Have you done all that you can do to save your marriage? Have you gone to couple’s counseling? Are your problems really that insurmountable? Think about whether or not you’ve done everything that can possibly be done in order to build and maintain a strong relationship with your spouse. If couple’s therapy isn’t an option (one spouse isn’t interested in participating), try some private therapy to help sort through

What has been your role in the relationship and its depletion? Remember, every relationship takes 2. It takes 2 to make it work, and 2 to help tear it apart. Take a long, objective look at how the 2 of you interact and how some of your reactions to situations could change the outcome of said situations.

Has there been an infidelity? You or them? Are you able to truly forgive your spouse? If you were the cheater, why did you do it? Let’s remember that infidelities are typically not the result of mere sexual desire, but are more often a symptom of larger, more deep-seeded issue. The cheater is often feeling neglected in the relationship, or something is missing. Take a long, hard look at the circumstances that led to the infidelity and decide whether or not the 2 of you can get over it.

Do you have children? Are they suffering as a result of your tumultuous relationship? Most children ideally would like to see their parents stay together, however if the situation is unbearable or violent, that’s when it may be time to make a grown-up call. Placing children in therapy can also be rather helpful in high-stress relationships, regardless of whether or not you decide to file for divorce.

The reasons that people have for thinking about divorce are as numerous as divorces themselves. Each situation is unique and therefore, confusing. This is not a decision to be made hastily. Take your time, seek professional help and make sure that your final answer is the right one for you.