10 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Decide to Divorce

Now, more than ever we need to understand people without judgment and criticism.  All of us want to be understood.  We need to feel safe.  If we feel safe and understood, we are more likely to look at ourselves and correct our past mistakes.  No blame for our mistakes, just responsibility for our actions.  If we can correct and understand our past then we are no longer that same person who suffered from a great deal of stress.  We all have reasons as to why we are the way we are and some of those reasons may be very valid, but we must not let those reasons interfere too heavily in our lives.

Here are ten things that I feel are extremely important to ask yourself before you decide to get a divorce:

  1. Do I still love this person?
  2. Do I still like this person?
  3. Do I respect this person?
  4. Do I really care about this person or are my feelings of rejection getting in the way of knowing or accepting the truth, that I really do not care anymore?
  5. Can I forgive this person and can I forgive myself?
  6. Can we trust and be honest with each other?
  7. Can we both change in the necessary areas to have a more solid marriage?
  8. Are we staying together for financial reasons?
  9. Are we staying together because we have nowhere else to go?
  10. Are we staying together for the children?

In today’s society it is very important to have our personal and family lives in order. We need our families to help us through these stressful times.  We all experience anxiety, depression, hurt, anger, and pain at certain times in our lives. These feelings can stifle us if we allow them to take over our lives.  We also feel love, trust, intimacy, understanding, and forgiveness.  These feelings are essential for our wellbeing.  We need to address all of these issues and understand and recognize how they have affected our lives.  If we can accept and understand how our life’s circumstances have affected us, we will then be in a better position to change and redirect our lives.

We need to look at these issues and access if our marriage is worth the time and effort to make it better or do we need to move on and get a divorce.  Do you feel that you want to move on and find another person who may make your life unhappy too?  The key is to do the work needed for yourself and see if you can fix the marriage.  It is really hard to start over and it is not fair to your children, especially if you can repair the marriage.

Diana S. Dodson has spent many years working as a counselor and mental health consultant for children, adolescents, and adult schizophrenics. She is the author of the book It’s Your Life, Take Charge! It is about how you can understand yourself to a greater extent and be your own guide to your happiness.


  1. Great post. Thanks!

  2. Heide Hererra says:

    Hmmmm, very interesting. I’d never considered that before!

  3. gentille says:

    Some times we donot have a choice especially when we dont get any respect from these we use to trust. It is better living alone than living with a heart full off stress. yes it is a big decision but no other options

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