Changing the Way Single Parents Parent Their Children

Awhile back I heard a shocking comment about a single parent dad, by his 29 year old son. I have since learned, (discussed later in the blog,) it’s not all that uncommon, to feel that way. The following will give you insight as to how ones attitude and anger towards the other parent, can affect children of all ages. Whether it’s on holidays to what they are allowed to say at home.

In speaking with the young man, he shared how at holiday time, he faces balancing his time and eating, to attend two different celebrations with his parents on the same day. Do you find your children tend to eat too little or too much and experience stomach problems? Maybe this is way.

Visitation for holidays can cause issues for children, especially if these are the only times, a parent may spend with child. Some children as an, adult, may see themselves as being, the trophy for the parent. Why, because the parent wants to look good as a parent to others.

When children are denied their right to know all family members, they can have memory loss of family. If you’re a family member being denied the right to see your child, or know other family members who are, it’s known since the 1980’s as, “Parental Alienation.”

Parent Alienation is painful and often intentional. But unless one has no understanding of what the behaviors are, one can contribute to the alienation of affection.

I personally like to give those who lack the understanding the opportunity change their destructive ways: So here is a list that helps explain acts or comments that contribute to Parental Alienation.

1. Telling a child he/she is not allowed to make any reference to the other parent or family members. Such a request caused restraint of the children right to, “express their feelings whether positive or negative.”
2. Speak negatively of the other parent in front of children and with the purpose to discredit the other parent.
3. Subliminal message is by not allowing pictures of the other family to be displayed anywhere in the home.
4. Speaking in a tone of anger or resentment about the other parent where the child can hear it.

The behavior of our children who are hurting and not in counseling for their pain, may behave in self-destructive manners, to numb the pain they are trying to suppress. Or become a discipline problem, to joining gangs to find acceptance, at a price. As adult children, they are more likely to end up in, unhealthy relationships and do poorly at work.

Although many of us are loving care parents, speaking with our, adult children, about the past is difficult. Why, because they have built up many years of anger and pain. But if they are resistant to talking, that doesn’t mean, there are not opportunities to bring it up, if you know what to look for. Of course you may have to wait longer than you like, but trust me, it’s worth it. I speak from personal experience and although we may not hear from them as we’d like to, know they do have feelings for you.

What comments could our children be saying about us as a single parent?

So what are the answers the 29 year old man has to say about is father: He stated, “He is a, Sperm Donor and feels that he is a Trophy Son.” As a father, is that how you would like to be known as?? Another person who is becoming a licensed therapist stated, “My parents were doing all they could do to critize one another to us when we were with them.”

What can you do?

Please consider seeking out a coach or a therapist, who understands the issues single parents face. I personally like to talk with others who have experienced this as they may have found the tools for changing the situation.

What can you do if you know a parent who is parenting in this manner or if you’re a parent who needs help?

Make a difference and be SOMEONES HERO by sharing this blog with them and send them to www.nationalsilngleparent.org.

 Turn Negativity into Positive Energy and enjoy life as you deserve it!

If you are a father who has multiple children with different mothers and would like to participate in a national TV Show, please contact me at 561.441.8557 or Judy@CoachJudy.info. I’m working with a TV producer in New York who is looking for a father who is in such a situation.

Coach Judy Romanoff:  Former Guardian Ad Litem with the Courts, Divorce & Single Parent Coach, Honored National, founder of National Single Parent Resource Center, Motivational Speaker, Talk Show Host  with “Coach Judy Live,” talk show, Helping Families Overcome Obesity and Reducing Diabetes.

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