Dads using Facebook to position for child custody – some no nonsense advice for mothers!

A number of women are complaining about “deadbeat dads” using Facebook to post pictures that show dad in a good light so to position them legally and otherwise.

What people do not seem to understand is that when a couple divorces, history is rewritten. The parties will see their marriage and the roles they played in a totally different light than when they were married. This is not a bad thing it is just the way it happens. Since our truth is our perception, as our perception changes, our past is rewritten to reflect our new reality.

So as this applies to parenting, our perceptions of what mom or dad did or did not do while married is a product of our perception and roles at the time. When we are part of a traditional family we will share roles according to the values and members of our family. Perhaps dad didn’t bath the kids or drive them to and from their sports or help them with their homework. But this may have had as much to do with the values and roles in the family at the time and had nothing to do with his love for his children or his commitment to being a good dad. When parents split, roles change as we would expect. While dad may have not been around as much as mom wanted when they were together, it may have had little to do with the children.

Perhaps now that he is a single parent he truly wants to step up to the plate and be not only a provider, but a dad who takes on the daily tasks associated with parenting. The new photos on Facebook of him attending the child’s soccer game or taking them to the park may not be driven by an ulterior motive of trying to show himself in a good light, but could be simply be reflective of him fitting into his new role.

Perhaps there is the rare dad is who is a massive manipulator, but this is rare and certainly does not speak to the masses. Mothers on the other hand seem to get on this bandwagon and relish in the banter. They may see the new pictures as positioning and insincere and that may simply not be the case. Parents and mothers in particular need to pay less attention to what dad is doing or not doing and focus on their new life.

A good to avoid stirring up any unwanted feelings is to stay off their Facebook! Why put salt on the womb anyway?  In fact, if dad is displaying pictures of his fabulous weekend with kids, and even the new girl friend, it is better than him pretending he does not have kids and putting himself out on the dating scene as a lone man. Mothers need to get over if their ex-husband has moved on, and do that sooner than later. There seems to be a certain comradery in complaining about ex’s and that is the best way to play the victim and prolong getting on with their own lives.

The sooner they can let go, the sooner their life will resemble the picturesque new beginnings they dream about.


  1. Nic says:

    Things are messed up these day.Many person may use dirty tactics in order to level the playing field.

  2. I hear you and thanks for sharing your thoughts. Dirty tactics destroy relationships and personal self esteem.