The value of Self-Empowerment during the time of divorce

Divorce has its way to hurt a person’s self esteem, confidence and worth. Therefore is it important for you to regain a sense of yourself and focus on YOU through the process of self empowerment.

This does not mean to become self-absorbed or to focus on your ego; it rather means to increase your spiritual, emotional or mental strength. Below are some suggestions that will help your self-empowerment process:

1. Activate faith not fear

The underlying source of anxiety, depression, anger and other negative emotions often share the same type of fear.

So it is really important to make sure that you focus on activating your faith that things will be better than they currently appear to be.

You can start practicing this concept by removing yourself from aspects of the ended relationship. Doing so will allow you to re-connect with your individual self and bring back the feeling of being whole again.

2. Regain your individuality

As you remove yourself more and more from the broken aspects of the relationship, something else will open up for you internally. It may include certain feelings of loss, denial, anger, etc. Please be aware that you have to replace these feelings with positive ones in order to empower yourself. You can do so by starting to let go of any negative thoughts that you may hold in your mind. A good practice will be writing down everything that you feel. Once you have “thrown up” and emptied your head, you will need to start replacing those feelings with more pleasant scenarios. The process will get you closer to the stage of acceptance, which is the required state in order to move forward and rediscover your individuality. This will feel like coming home, and is usually marked by feeling like an individual again, rather than just a part of a couple.

3. Speak your faith into the future

Believe that life has more and better things in store for you!

You need to remember that you still have purpose on this planet, that there is a reason for it all, and that you can now take the time to discover it. More so, you must believe that you deserve to love and be loved again. You must remember that this time shall pass too, and as difficult as it may be now, with desire, commitment, faith and the passage of time, you will find a better tomorrow. You can practice by talking about the future you desire as if it has already happened.

4. Affirm yourself

Your present state may be emotionally broken but this is absolutely reasonable giving the circumstances. Everyday affirm yourself that these feelings are temporary, that you are healing and they are replaced with better feelings moment by moment. Do this, even though you may presently feel that the foundation of your life is completely shattered. On a daily basis you must affirm and imagine that you are happy in the near future, with a good, happy relationship, and the current pain will started fading away.

After processing any negative feelings you might have experienced, let them go, and move into a different state of mind: set new goals, learn new things, console yourself, travel, socialize, spend more time with friends and family, go out, interact, do things that you LOVE and that bring to you joy, even if it’s just a touch of joy!


Dr. Ronit Lami is an internationally renowned psychologist. Her services include Consulting, Coaching, Affluenza evaluation and Expert witness. She has over 18 years of experience helping your clients through the hardships of divorce. She can be reached at (310) 626-0218, or visit her website

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