When Divorce Leads to Tax Problems

As if going through a divorce isn’t unpleasant enough, there are times, more often than most people realize, that you find yourself owing money to the tax man as a direct result of your divorce.

It can happen in a number of different ways to BOTH spouses.

Spousal Support Is Taxable Income

First, for the lower income spouse with custody of the children: child support is not taxable in the hands of the spouse that receives it, but spousal support is.  If the terms of the separation or divorce agreement entitle the lower income spouse to spousal support then that spouse needs to make provisions to pay the taxes on that income.  If they don’t, then when they file their taxes they will discover they have taxes payable.  Depending on the amount of spousal support received, the number may be significant.

Child Support is NOT tax deductible

From the paying spouse’s perspective, spousal support is a deduction from the payer’s taxable income, but child support is not.  The fact that child support is no longer tax deductible in Canada comes as a surprise to many.  If they were counting on that deduction to reduce their income, and that deduction isn’t there, now the paying spouse can find themselves owing more in taxes than they expected.

Failing To Make Tax Installments

The single most common way that both spouses can get into trouble after a separation or divorce stems from a failure to recognize that the household living expenses and income have dramatically changed.

Self-employed earners, who are responsible more making their own tax installments, stop paying their income tax installments in order to make ends meet, figuring that eventually they will catch up. For people that are self-employed, the tax man becomes an “involuntary creditor” – that’s the government’s term — and it means the government doesn’t offer people credit. Rather people simply don’t pay their taxes which makes the government their creditor.  Individuals going through separation and divorce often find themselves very short on cash and the government is one of the first bills they stop paying.  It doesn’t take very long for self-employed people to accumulate very large tax debts, and then the government adds interest and penalties.

Cashing Out Investments

Another option that people use to try and reduce or limit the amount of debt they incur is to cash out investments.  The most common investment people have is RRSPs.  If you withdraw the funds in small amounts only a small amount of tax is withheld.  Unfortunately a series of 3 or 4 small withdrawals over the course of a year can add up to a large amount that when added to the person’s other forms of income may create a very large tax burden.   Investments that result in capital gains can trigger the same problem.  The gain is not taxed at all when the investment is sold, but when it is reported on a tax return a significant tax debt may be owed.

Tax Debt Solutions

So, what can you do?

Understand the rules. If you pay or receive child or spousal support, remove funds from registered savings accounts or are required to make installments, keep all of these matters in mind and budget for any expected taxes payable.

File your tax returns on time.  You can try and negotiate interest relief or a reduction of penalties if you find yourself in that situation.  Whether or not you will be successful depends on whether or not you filed your tax returns.  Believe it or not, the government takes a very hard line against people that don’t file their taxes.  Of course they want you to pay your taxes, but it is more important that you file them when required in order for the government to know how much you owe and to try and collect the unpaid amounts.

If you do not have the means to pay your taxes, or if you have also accumulated other debts along with your tax liability, you may want to consider a consumer proposal, or perhaps personal bankruptcy.  Tax debt is a debt just like any other in a bankruptcy or proposal.  Canada Revenue Agency does have the power to place a lien on your home or other assets or seize a bank account, so if you know you have a potential significant tax debt it is important to talk to a professional bankruptcy trustee sooner, as opposed to later, about making an arrangement with your creditors, including CRA, through a consumer proposal.

Separation and divorce are among the most common reasons that Canadians file for bankruptcy or make a proposal to creditors. And tax debts can be one of the debts they are dealing with.

Ted Michalos is a Chartered Professional Accountant (CPA) and a Licensed Bankruptcy Trustee. As a co-founder & President of Hoyes, Michalos & Associates, he speaks regularly at local commerce and professional events about insolvency issues and has testified before the Canadian Senate on issues of bankruptcy legislation. His expertise focuses primarily on helping individuals solve their financial problems.

Mindfulness in Divorce

A way to keep one’s sanity in the divorce process is by practicing mindfulness. Mindfulness is mainstream and not in the sole domain of gurus. It not a New Age thing, but has been done for over a millennium, especially in Buddhism. Mindfulness is about being focused on the happy activity you are doing with the kids and casting worries aside. It is experiencing and being fully in the moment, whether strolling the cobbled stone streets of Tuscany or baking brownies with a child.  Mindfulness is being engaged in an endeavor without being on autopilot because your thoughts are elsewhere.

Mindfulness is useful in divorce. When concentrating on the divorce session, one is able to take in the information, process it, and make rational decisions. Being immersed in the present lessens fear based reactions of when one’s mind is drifting into worst case scenarios.  Staying focused in the moment allows one to clarify confusing points, ask pertinent questions and not make decisions in haste.

Mindfulness is looking at the here and now and not dwelling in the past which cannot be changed. The what ifs, such as “What if I had only…..” is detrimental and not going to alter your current circumstance. Mentally living in the distant future also causes one to miss out on life now. When I was in a toxic marriage, I was dreaming about being on my own after my last child graduated from high school. Instead of doing something about my marriage (fix it or divorce sooner), I was not fully present, enjoying every moment of my sons’ childhoods. It is fine to have goals and direction, but not to be on a permanent vacation from what is happening today.

While in my divorce situation, mindfulness enabled me to take each necessary step forward to complete the small tasks, rather than taking a giant leap into the future. I felt less scattered and more in control when practicing mindfulness in divorce.

There are ways to improve mindfulness. Take a mentally and physically stimulating class that demands full attention. Zumba keeps me focused while learning intricate steps. Some divorced people have gotten back into tennis which requires being in the moment. Others have performed challenging feats, such as mountain climbing in Nepal. Meditation has benefited other folks to silence the chatter in their brains and calmly face the tasks at hand.

There are various studies which indicate that mindfulness meditation can alter the brain structure in a positive way.  A study reported in Psychology Research had a control group and one that practiced mindful meditation for eight weeks. Results indicated participants who meditated increased the grey matter which involves learning, forming memories and emotions. This was not seen in the control group.  Another study in Psychological Science   had students either take a mindfulness class or a nutritional one for two weeks.  The participants who completed the mindfulness class did better on a memory test and their Graduate Record Examination for grad school entrance was 16% higher than the control group’s ones.  Consider practicing mindfulness for a smoother divorce and experiencing life more fully.


Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by email

Friendships Post-Divorce

Guilt by association. Your friends reflect back upon you – so be selective whom you choose.  Prince Andrew did not and is in hot water for his association with Jeffrey Epstein. In 2011 he left his position of UK trade ambassador over his ties to this billionaire, yet did not sever them. He may be innocent of cavorting around with underage girls, but he certainly is guilty of a lapse in judgment for hanging on to such a shady character. 

Be with people in this post-divorce time who share your ethics. We do not always agree upon political candidates, religion or sports teams, but our basic values ought to be similar. If someone is skating on the edge of the law, then distance yourself from them. We are starting life anew after divorce and do not need questionable people. If pals are doing activities which conflict with your morals, then consider dropping them. Or at least take a break so you can step back and evaluate these relationships.

We are vulnerable after divorce, so listen to alarm bells going off when you are uncomfortable around someone. We may keep a friendship because it is a habit. Being in the company of unethical folks chips away at our psyche or as one woman said it is a “soul ache.” I felt sorry for a divorced dad in the construction business who needed work. I trusted him and the accuracy of his fees. When I started receiving astronomical bills for some big projects, we parted ways. This was after another guy in the same business informed me that I paid more than double the going rate. We were on friendly terms, yet  he still needlessly took a chunk of my divorce settlement for some renovations and repairs. I learned that people have to earn my trust.

 If you are in relationships that you normally would shun, determine if it is because you are lonely.  Strengthen the connections that you already have, such as with family, workmates and supportive pals. Do not start new friendships on the basis that you feel needy, but rather that you both have something to offer.

When you are dating after a traumatic divorce – you may be too trusting. Flattery and attention may seem what one requires, but truly look at the person behind the smiling mask. If they belittle certain types of people or are rude to wait staff, then walk away. One way to see what a date is really like is to check out her pals to see to see how they treat others. There is something to the saying “Birds of a feather flock together.”

Build a supportive team around you that motivates you in achieving goals, whether losing weight or writing the next best seller. Having inspiring pals and acquaintances encourages me to keep moving on after divorce and try new endeavours.  Joining stimulating groups reduces the reliance on relationships that have run their course.

Some women have described trying to make friends post-divorce like being back in grade school.  There is an online site in the UK, that matches people up for purely platonic friendships. So far, I have heard good reports regarding this new trend. Friendship is a two way street and being with someone you feel sorry for can backfire.    

Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by email.





Facing Your Ex-Spouse’s Remarriage

Your ex-spouse’s remarriage can stir up a myriad of emotions, from jealousy to feelings of abandonment. You may have thought that you were getting over your divorce, only to be pulled back into experiencing the loss of your marriage again.  It is hard when one spouse has moved on and one still feels stuck.

Distraction is the secret to getting through the day of your ex’s remarriage. Plan on doing something special for that day – to keep you occupied. Sitting around with nothing to do gives more time to brood. Have friends go on a day outing to a nearby city or get pampered at a spa. Hiking or skiing will keep you busy and help take your mind off your woes. If feasible, this is the time to explore the streets of Rome or get lost in a labyrinth of alleyways in some exotic locale. Getting away and having your own adventure is an antidote to this situation.

Examine your feelings to determine if it is the wedding itself that bothers you, or something deeper within yourself. The remarriage could be triggering feelings of inadequacy, or not feeling settled in your life or job. Although you may not want to reconcile with your former spouse, a remarriage can shine a spot light on your lack of dates and relationships. You may feel that she does not have the right to happiness when you are still so miserable. Consider talking to a divorce coach if your former spouse’s marriage seems to create a new road block to moving on. Getting a reality check and strategies from a professional can work wonders in illuminating a new path for healing after divorce.

If your children are involved in the festivities do not reveal your unhappy feelings to them. Act neutral (no matter how difficult) with a calm demeanor. Be flexible if the wedding takes place during your shared time and allow the kids to be part of the nuptials. You may end of up having them more if there is an extended honeymoon. Children are not responsible for your feelings or social life, so keep them in the dark about them. It is not healthy if the kids feel that accepting a new step-mother is being disloyal to you. Reassure them that you are okay so that they can enjoy and participate in this occasion.

My sons and I did not discover my ex’s remarriage until after the fact. The husband of one of my friends knows my ex from a service club superficially, and found out about the wedding. They told me about it and I was relieved. Seemed like getting married again would keep the focus off repeated court cases post-divorce, and it did. If you were married to an abusive person, then a remarriage may lessen revenge or post-divorce litigation.

Some divorced people said that their spouse’s remarriage was just the jolt they required to get on with their lives. It was a definite ending so that they could start life anew. The important thing is to acknowledge your emotions, process them, talk about them and do not dwell in them. Enrich your life and build more connections, whether with professional networking groups, or socially. Volunteer and join groups, such as, to get involved with others. Eventually as time passes by, people do feel better. My life was happier post-divorce after my ex-husband’s remarriage.

Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by email

Getting Over an Ex-spouse or Former Love

Part of moving on after divorce is leaving your reconciliation fantasy behind. When one is feeling lonely, that makes it tempting to dwell in the past and ponder if an old romance could be rekindled. A few people have wondered if they were too speedy in wanting a divorce and could have hung on longer.  Really think through why the relationship ended. Was there any abuse or lack of respect?  Relationships end when interest wanes.

Sometimes people are too different to really make a go of it. My friend Connie was having a bad patch in her marriage and looked up a former love. They have different lifestyles which may have clashed in the long run. He is happily married with a very active life in the political arena in Washington D.C. He makes the news with the parties he attends and his well-dressed appearance. Connie rarely entertains, is more of a blue jeans type of a girl, and is vegan. When asked if she would throw lavish soirees, serve meat or be elegantly attired on a regular basis, she had difficulty responding. Eventually Connie realized that if they had stayed together, maybe she would not be as happy as she had fantasized. When she and her husband made up, that longing for that past relationship diminished.

Get a reality check – whether from good friends or a relationship coach. Discussing this situation gives insight in understanding why you did not stay together. Join a Zumba class to lessen daydreaming and get more focused on demanding tasks. Meditation helps to clear the mind and become more grounded. Take walks outside and enjoy nature. Get distracted with new challenges, sports or anything that interrupts that movie in your head.

Enlarge your social and professional networks to meet new people. Sometimes loneliness or feelings of abandonment push us into living in the past. has a plethora of groups for a variety of interests. Get active in groups, such a book or movie club. Explore new interests, whether it is culinary arts or pottery. Stay busy.

Building connections helps to make life more enriching. I get a lot out of volunteering and also hear that from others. Be open to a new romantic relationship and not be so rooted in the past. Some people do end up with a former partner decades later when both were single again. It is not impossible, but consider meeting with a counsellor to ensure that this is a positive action for you both. I have read about people marrying the one who got away. That said, I went to a wedding which later ended in divorce. The couple remarried and went through another acrimonious divorce.  What tore them apart the first time did so again. Think carefully why the initial relationship did not work out and start to move on. Put more energy into other relationships to lessen the focus on the one that ended.

reached at (740) 919-1248 or through her website

Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by



Bankruptcy and Alimony – What You Need To Know

There is a common belief that by filing bankruptcy a person can “get out” of their obligation to pay alimony and child support.  This is simply not true.

Filing bankruptcy in Canada eliminates most unsecured debts. However there are certain debts that are specifically not discharged by the Bankruptcy and Insolvency Act and child and spousal support arrears are one of them. To make things even more complicated, alimony and child support payments fall into a special category of claims in bankruptcy that receive priority repayment.

Alimony and Support Payments

In 1997 alimony and support claims were made provable in bankruptcy, but not dischargeable.  By being provable, the claims could be submitted to the trustee by the spouse owed outstanding payment so that they could receive their share of any money coming out of the bankruptcy.  By declaring the debts not dischargeable, it meant that unlike other debts that are eliminated by bankruptcy, alimony and support debts survive the process.

The government went further by declaring any alimony or support arrears for the 12 months immediately preceding the date of bankruptcy as preferred claims.  These claims are paid in priority to other unsecured claims.  All other alimony and support arrears are treated like any other unsecured claims, except they survive the bankruptcy if they are not repaid in full.

Equalization Payments

Having explained how safe alimony and support payments are, I should warn you, payments for equalization are not currently protected under bankruptcy law.

The idea behind equalization payments is to balance the material gains a couple experience during their marriage in a divorce or separation.  The things that the spouses own are listed and valued.  The spouse with the higher value is required to make a payment or transfer to the spouse with the lower value.  When you file for bankruptcy, equalization payments are debts that are included in the bankruptcy. They are treated just like a credit card or other unsecured debt.  In other words, whatever portion remains unpaid, after any dividend payments from the bankruptcy, is eliminated once the person declaring bankruptcy is discharged.

Joint Debts

It is also important to understand that divorce or separation agreements to pay off joint debt are not upheld by bankruptcy (or by your secured creditors either).  Just because a divorce or separation agreement requires one spouse to pay off a joint debt, it doesn’t not absolve the other spouse from the obligation to pay.  I have seen hundreds of cases were the spouse required to pay off a joint debt filed for bankruptcy which caused the other spouse to repay the debt in full (which usually means they end up filing for bankruptcy too).

If you have joint debts that are to be apportioned during a divorce, it is important to get your creditor to agree, in writing, to remove the other spouse from any obligation to pay as well.

Court Orders

Here’s a final bit of advice.  Neither Bankruptcy nor Family Court will overwrite or undo Orders issued by the other Court.  That means:

  • if a separation agreement or Divorce Order has been released before someone files for bankruptcy then the Bankruptcy Court will not attack the transfer of assets, even if it is done within the reviewable period before a bankruptcy.
  • if a person has filed for bankruptcy then any assets they may have owned will be signed over to their bankruptcy – they are no longer available to be dealt with in a separation agreement or Divorce Order.

Careful planning is required before you file for bankruptcy and/or separation or divorce to deal with all of the matrimonial property in the most advantageous manner.

In Summary

The law around bankruptcy and divorce can get quite complicated but in general:

  • Alimony and support payments are not stopped when a person files for bankruptcy and any arrears survive the bankruptcy process.
  • Equalization payments are stopped when a person files for bankruptcy and any unpaid equalization payment is eliminated at the end of bankruptcy.
  • Co-borrowers become responsible to repay 100% of the joint debt if one of the borrowers files for bankruptcy, regardless of whether or not a separation agreement or Divorce Order required the first borrower to repay the debt in full.
  • Whichever comes first, bankruptcy or separation agreement and/or Divorce Order ranks in priority when dealing with the things a person owns.

Financial Recovery Process

Although bankruptcy does not eliminate alimony and support payments, it is still not unusual for someone who owes back support payments to look to bankruptcy, or a consumer proposal, as a financial solution.  If they owe significant other debts as well, bankruptcy can help eliminate previously build up credit card debt, lines of credit and other unsecured debts that an individual, now divorced and living on a single income, can no longer support. In the event that they have assets, including a home or car, that they would like to keep, a consumer proposal is another option.  By eliminating other marital or subsequent debts by filing bankruptcy or a consumer proposal, it is possible to improve your financial circumstances enough that meeting your support payments is much easier.

If you have questions about how a bankruptcy or consumer proposal can help in the financial recovery process after divorce, Ted can be reached through our website

Ted Michalos is a Chartered Professional Accountant (CPA) and a Licensed Bankruptcy Trustee. As a co-founder & President of Hoyes, Michalos & Associates, he speaks regularly at local commerce and professional events about insolvency issues and has testified before the Canadian Senate on issues of bankruptcy legislation. His expertise focuses primarily on helping individuals solve their financial problems.

You Can’t Change Other People, Only Yourself

Often we think that we can change someone else after marrying them. We can only change ourselves or our own reactions to people’s behavoir. We have excuses for partners’ actions, rather than accepting that maybe this is their true nature. Intrinsic values and ethics are part of a person’s core and not something that is easily shed after matrimony.

Nina started dating a guy in her large company who worked in a different section. She knew that he had dated many others and had the reputation of being a ladies’ man. Her older cousin had been a player and settled down into domestic bliss. Nina remembered the old cliché that it takes the love of the right woman to get a man to settle down. The actor Warren Beatty left his wild ways behind when he married Annette Benning. Nina’s friends had their doubts about this union, but did not want to voice them and hurt her feelings.

During the first year, John was going to singles bars with his buddies. He claimed it was just to hang out with friends, but Nina did not heed her gut feeling to part ways. When a job opportunity appeared in John’s hometown, Nina encouraged him to take it and they moved across country. She naively thought his family would keep him in line and a lack of singles bars would curb this laddish behavior. They later had two children but did not have a close marital relationship. There was no concrete evidence that John was being unfaithful, but he was disrespectful and callous towards Nina. After hanging in there for way too long, she finally filed for divorce. Today Nina describes every day as being like Christmas.

Sometimes a person goes into marriage thinking a party person will change their ways. Divorced friends have expressed this wisdom, to marry someone as they are –not what they could be. Small foibles and quirks are okay, however lapses of ethics are not. If there is any hint of disrespect, then move on. Expect to be treated with courtesy and consideration by a potential partner.

Consider meeting with a Divorce Coach to make sure that you are not repeating previous patterns in new relationships. Learning to listen to our gut feeling can save heartache down the road. Making excuses like Nina did, only prolonged an unhappy situation. Sometimes we just have to cut our losses and extricate ourselves from a toxic relationship.

After a divorce when contemplating remarriage, consider having pre-marital counselling. Discussing expectations, ethics, finances and the relationship is a good way to start anew. Reviewing effective and respectful communication makes for a stronger subsequent marriage. Pre-marital counselling deters partners from anticipating that the other one will change after the wedding. It is a reality check.

 reached at (740) 919-1248 or through her website.

Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by email




6 Tips for Dealing with Debt in a Divorce

It is not unusual for a couple to accumulate significant debts together that must be dealt with as part of their financial arrangements in a divorce or separation. There are, however, several things that you should be aware of before proceeding.

In particular, it is important to know that a divorce or separation agreement will not eliminate your obligation to repay a debt you signed for. In other words, you cannot transfer liability for your debts or joint debts to one spouse by virtue of a divorce agreement alone.

Having said that, one spouse is not automatically liable for the debts of the other. You can only be held responsible for repayment if you have signed, co-signed, or guaranteed a debt yourself.

The best approach is to pay off any debt before filing for divorce, but this is not always possible. You may instead find that you have to divide the debt, and monthly payments, as part of the separation process.

If you wish to ensure that your debts are handled properly as part of your divorce or separation, follow these tips.

1. Obtain a copy of both spouses’ credit reports at the beginning of the process to ensure that you have a complete picture of debts that are owed both individually and jointly. This will help eliminate surprises down the road.

2. Talk to your lender. Your financial institution must agree, in writing, to remove any party from the obligation to pay under any loan agreement. This includes any debts guaranteed as well as loans you have taken out jointly.

3. Better yet, transfer all debts into new accounts under the name of the individual who will become liable under the divorce or separation arrangement. This may require refinancing in the event of major debts like a home mortgage or car loan. Failing to cancel joint debts can impact your credit report negatively in the event that your ex-spouse continues to utilize the account or does not make agreed upon payments.

4. Cancel all joint and supplementary credit cards and open new ones individually to ensure neither spouse can continue to incur more debts or will become responsible for the spending of the other.

5. If you have used any form of online banking, change all access and authorization numbers. Remove accounts as necessary to ensure each spouse only has access to those accounts they are now responsible for. Cancel any joint pin numbers if applicable.

6. If one spouse chooses to file for bankruptcy in order to deal with marital and other debts, it is possible to file a joint-bankruptcy or joint consumer proposal even if you are divorced. In the event of significant joint debts, talk to a bankruptcy trustee about your options.

As a final note, check your credit report every few months after your divorce or separation to ensure that all debts have been transferred properly and that your records have been updated. It is important that you manage not only the debt itself, but monitor your own credit history as you will likely be applying for new debt, individually, in the future.

Ted Michalos is a Chartered Professional Accountant (CPA) and a Licensed Bankruptcy Trustee. As a co-founder & President of Hoyes, Michalos & Associates, he speaks regularly at local commerce and professional events about insolvency issues and has testified before the Canadian Senate on issues of bankruptcy legislation. His expertise focuses primarily on helping individuals solve their financial problems.

Social Media in Divorce

Many divorcing people are warned by lawyers not to post anything about their soon-to-be-ex on social media sites. You may have strict privacy settings, but not all of your friends do. This can hurt you in divorce proceedings when tactless statements about your spouse are on your friend’s social media sites. Even comments that you made in the pub may wind up as quotes on other people sites who have lax privacy settings.

Interviewers and bosses may be perusing Facebook and other sites. One woman made disparaging remarks about her boss and company that were repeated on her friend’s Facebook site. This woman had signed an agreement when hired, not to make public statements about her workplace or the personnel. She had strict privacy controls, however others did not, so these complaints circulated in the public domain. She was fired. In divorce, it could hurt you if the opposing lawyer finds out some unfavourable gossip with you as the source. It is critical to keep a job especially when money is tight post-divorce, so do not post anything that can be construed as negative. Have a talk with friends regarding what is allowed to be posted about you in general, on their sites. Some bosses and interviewers ask (demand) to be friended on new hire’s social media sites.

Before getting a divorce, delete any nude photos and erotic videos. Be vigilant and possibly hire a computer expert to make sure there are none lurking around including on phones.  The last thing that you want is for these to go viral at a later date, as has happened to some celebrities recently. This is not what you would want your children to view. Consider never letting any sexy pictures be taken of you in future relationships, so this is not a potential problem with a vindictive ex.

Some people have said that they only post on social media what they would want their mothers to read. They save the really juicy bits for gossip sessions with friends with an oath of privacy. My girlfriends and I still do the pinkie finger shake from grade school, when something absolutely cannot be repeated.

There have been court cases where social media remarks have been introduced as evidence. I know about this, because I passed around my husband’s profile from a dating site, stating he was single and without kids, during my divorce.

Do not check your ex’s sites, particularly if the painful divorce was not your choice. Seeing laughing photos with new dates is not therapeutic for moving on. It is also difficult if some of your family members are in your ex’s camp. Do you really want to read loving comments from them to your former spouse? If money is tight, do you want to know about his exotic trips? No. It is easier to heal from divorce when not seeking updates about your former spouse, but rather enlarging your own social network instead.

Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by email

reached at (740) 919-1248 or through her website.

Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by email.


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The Adventure of Divorce

Divorce is a new beginning that opens unexpected doors. Venturing into the unknown leads to exciting new adventures that were only in dreams while still married. The unknown can be perceived as scary or reframed as a new discovery. One’s outlook on life will determine if post-divorce is a tragedy or a time of renewal. If your perception of the world is that it is a negative place with untrustworthy people, then that is what you will experience. Change your outlook to a positive one, and kind people and worthwhile experiences will come into your sphere. How to do this? A life coach can give a reality check and a therapist more intensive treatment. Work on the baggage from divorce in order to be able to recognize and receive new opportunities coming your way.  Do not drag old problems along with you when meeting new people or getting a job. Fix them and start life with a clean slate.

A positive aspect of divorce is enlarging your social circle. Do the necessary housecleaning of getting rid of toxic or energy draining relationships. Sometimes the logistics of divorce will take care of this for you. Moving during divorce does the job of eliminating annoying neighbors. Look closely at friendships that no longer serve your best interests or are reciprocal in nature. Let divorce be your excuse that you are too busy and unavailable now to continue seeing them. Embark on the adventure of meeting like-minded folks who better reflect who you are currently.

During marriage, you may have been focused on your spouse’s wants and needs. Now you have the time to reach out to others and form new friendships or reconnect with the ones that you already have. It takes a lot of energy keeping up appearances in a bad marriage, so use this post-divorce time to join interesting groups and become involved with new people.

Go on a quest of uncovering your talents and hidden desires after divorce. My artistic friend has launched a line of cards post-divorce and feels more fulfilled. One woman who felt her creativity was stifled during an abusive marriage, is writing the second edition of her book. Going down the path of creativity is an adventure with exciting twists and turns. There are glimpses of what is lies ahead, however the final outcome is yet to be determined. Mine may be a move to a different country.

Have post-divorce adventures through travel. Get out of your comfort zone and discover the world. While having fun and learning about new cultures, one learns to rely on herself. Finding your way out of a labyrinth in Santorini, or miming in Italy that you want to buy a bottle of white sparkling wine promotes self-assurance. One comes to the realization that they are a strong person who can deal with many situations. I view life in general as an adventure, whether I am buying an item in a Turkish souk or in my local grocery store. Strangers can be a fascinating source of interesting conversations. There are companies that have trips for singles or find a group tour if unsure about visiting foreign countries on your own.

Post-divorce, some entrepreneurs have started their own businesses. Many claim it was a bumpy road at first, but are now enjoying this new enterprise. Take classes to develop your talents and interests into financially feasible ventures. One fellow went through a traumatic divorce and renewed his love of gardening afterwards. He is into cross-pollinating vegetables and flowers. Talking to a waiter and patrons at his local pub about this hobby, led to the owner asking to buy his heirloom produce.

Contemplate viewing the world as making new connections, and discovering opportunities. My 90 year old friend said that life is such an adventure, because he never knows what is just around the corner.

Wendi Schuller, uses her knowledge as a nurse, Neuro-Linguistic Programmer (NLP), and hypnotherapist, to author the book The Women’s Holistic Guide to Divorce that helps women regaining their strength of inner peace and wisdom. She can be reached by email.